


Love and hate and everything in between

by Mierke



Category: Beyond Series - Kit Rocha, Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: Gen, Grieving, Song fic, Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day, but then again this entire series is a song fic, different timeline but spoilers for season 1 finale of Zoey I guess, discussion of canonical character deaths, post-Beyond Ecstasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24819565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mierke/pseuds/Mierke
Summary: During the Flares, some MRI machines went insane, leaving some of the people inside of them, and their descendants, with the ability to hear people's inner thoughts in the form of song. Eden quickly snagged them up, called them Listeners and regulated them within an inch of their life. Zoey is one of those Listeners. As she's looking for her brother in the sectors, she finds someone with a common pain.
Kudos: 3
Collections: A Ficathon Goes Into A Bar





	Love and hate and everything in between

Zoey took a couple of deep breaths to centre herself, out of the way but with a clear view of the door to the Broken Circle. She didn't like going into new places; she could never tell where the emotions would come from, or what would happen when they hit her.

People in the sectors usually didn't like it when you could read their feelings. In Eden people would whisper their secrets in her ear happily, searching the relief of not having to carry their own burden, of throwing it down on someone who didn't matter, who was bound to keep their secrets by oath and law. They'd never dream she would do harm with what they told her.

In the sectors, people guarded their vulnerability, guarded their souls. Zoey hated coming out here, but it was the third night in a row David hadn't come home and her mother was going crazy. Chances were if anyone knew where he was, that person would be here. 

So Zoey steeled herself, for over the years she had learned to push away her own feelings of discomfort and pain to help others. It was an easy thing that was asked of her; all she needed to do was ask around, find her brother.

She opened the door and almost at once all her senses were assaulted. The pub was busy, the lights low, the music strong and throbbing as a woman on stage danced in almost nothing. Zoey took a moment to take it all in, only moving towards the bar when a new customer behind her pushed her forwards. A brunette woman was tending the bar, and just when Zoey had thought she was safe, just when she'd decided she'd be okay-

The music dimmed. As Zoey sat down at the bar, the woman started singing.

_Summer has come and passed  
The innocent can never last  
Wake me up when September ends_

Zoey didn't recognize the song; as always, her gift came in pre-Flare classics. It would have been nice to have some context, but she'd learned long ago that questioning her gift only led to more questions. However, as the woman turned towards her, Zoey did recognize who she was. Noelle Cunningham, scandalized princess.

_Like my father's come to pass  
Seven years has gone so fast  
Wake me up when September ends_

Zoey's breath caught as the meaning of the words caught up to her. She'd vaguely heard of Edwin Cunningham's passing; it wasn't common knowledge, not yet, but as a Listener she had access to all the grapevines in Eden. There were all sorts of rumours surrounding his death; that it had been treason, that it had been the O'Kanes, that it had been suicide. No one seemed to know the whole story, and Zoey would bet her life on the fact that no one had spared one thought for the daughter he'd left behind in the sectors.

_Here comes the rain again  
Falling from the stars  
Drenched in my pain again  
Becoming who we are_

_As my memory rests_  
But never forgets what I lost  
Wake me up when September ends 

As the song faded and Noelle turned to her with a bright smile on her face, ready to take her order, Zoey couldn't help the words that tumbled out of her mouth. "I lost my father, too. He died just a few weeks ago."

Noelle blinked a few times. Zoey felt her gaze resting on her, trying to determine whether she was friend or foe, a threat or just an empathic stranger. She almost felt the jolt of recognition as Noelle's eyes grazed the small tattoo on the back of Zoey's hand.

"You're a Listener," she said. "I hadn't expected to ever see one of you again. I didn't think you ventured out into the sectors."

"We don't, as a rule," Zoey said. "We're not really allowed to, either. But the guard owed me a favour."

"I imagine lots of people owe you favours." Noelle sounded reserved, keeping so much distance between them it almost hurt. Zoey ached for someone to understand the pain she was going through, someone who wasn't her responsibility, someone she didn't have to take care of. 

"He was sick for a long time," she continued, ignoring Noelle's comment. "People seem to have this idea that just because it was expected, it wasn't sudden. Or it would hurt less."

"It always hurts," Noelle answered, pouring some whiskey into a glass and offering it to Zoey, who knew enough about the sectors – and this sector in particular – to not reject such an offer. "Even when your father was the one who hurt you."

"I can't imagine how that would feel," Zoey offered earnestly. "You didn't… reconcile before his death?"

Noelle scoffed. "He made very sure I knew that if I stayed in the sectors, he'd like to forget I ever existed."

"But you didn't forget."

Noelle sighed, softening a little at the edges. She made some complicated gestures to the other bartender and rounded the bar to come sit next to Zoey. 

"I hated him. With every fibre of my being. He made my life a living hell as long as I was in Eden, he took away everything I loved and cared for and he removed me from his life just because I didn't fit his image of the perfect daughter."

She was silent for a while, and Zoey remembered how it had felt to hear Noelle's song. That hadn't been hatred.

"But you loved him, too," she said, reaching out her hands to take Noelle's in hers, trying to offer comfort in a way words never could. Noelle seemed surprised, and Zoey was reminded again of how different their lives had been, even when in Eden. She never had envied the cold lives the people so much higher than her lived, the way touch, even within families, was withheld as much as possible, how affection got twisted into weakness. She couldn't imagine growing up never having had her father's comforting hugs.

Noelle nodded, as if putting it into words was something that was too hard to even contemplate. "Does that make me weak?"

"No!" Zoey's voice was louder than she'd meant it, but no one around her batted an eye. She grabbed Noelle's hands a little tighter, and wordlessly urged her to look her in the eye. "It makes you human. Love is never a weakness, not even when it's for people who don't deserve it."

"You'd think I'd learnt that by now," Noelle said with a soft smile.

"It's not easy to get," Zoey countered. "Especially not when you grow up thinking things are black and white. There's love and hate and this line between them that can be crossed, but can't be erased, can't fade out and mingle them altogether. That's what we're taught, right? That's what your father believed. He thought just because he couldn't love all of you, he had to hate you."

Noelle winced, and Zoey fought the urge to sigh at her own insensitivity. "I'm sorry. You'd think I'd learnt by now to keep some things to myself."

"No, you're right," Noelle said. "He didn't even know me. How could he love the parts of me he'd neglected to discover? He'd much rather pretend they weren't there. That fit easier with his world view."

"He saved my friends," she added, as if now she was finally talking, she couldn't keep the words in any longer. "And at first I thought it was because of me. Because he still wanted to protect me in some way, and I almost felt like maybe, maybe that final act he did was somehow a message to me."

She shook her head. "Still so naïve. It wasn't about me at all. The last thing he said was how he abhorred Dallas for _dragging my only child into sin_ , as if I hadn't made any of my own choices, as if I was seduced here by the promise of so much better, as if he didn't kick me out for that very same sin."

She squeezed Zoey's hands. "I didn't think I needed to grieve. I didn't realize I was still holding on to so much pain. Thank you."

Zoey smiled. "Grieving is difficult, and we all have to do it in our own way. Speaking of, any chance you have seen my brother? He might have been hanging around the cage fights."

She went on to describe David; Noelle listened, her head cocked a little to the side, and even before Zoey had finished talking, she'd got up from the table.

"Wait here," she said. 

Zoey took a couple of deep breaths as Noelle went off to do whatever it was she'd gone to do. She hadn't even talked about her own father, not much at least, and still it felt like something had clicked into place in her own heart. Yes, she was still hurting, and yes, it felt like it would never end, but her father had loved her. 

That made everything so much easier.


End file.
